Desperation and the voice of G-d…


Recently I came to  few realizations, the greatest of these being about what it takes to change someone. There are many out there who believe that people can’t change, that at the core we will always be the same person with the same vices and quirks and problems. There are those that choose to believe that change is simple, that by some magical wave of a wand, like prayer, there problems will just go away. I was in this camp for a long time. I felt that if I prayed hard enough, or had a good enough experience at the alter, somehow my life would just be different when I came back. That things wouldn’t bother me anymore. After not having that true experience so many times however, I started to realize that change did not come about this way. I started to believe that change couldn’t really happen, and that I was just who I was. That was, until the direness of my circumstances lead to a truly devastating time. Which brought me to a revelation: Change comes most naturally out of devastation and desperation. You are most likely to change when you are at a point of desperation and you have little else left. People who face death and come out alive are profoundly different, in a good way, afterwards. When you realize that your whole existence could be over as you know it you are compelled to change. I want to believe that people can change before reaching the bottom, but it seems to me that only the most meaningful change comes when you hit rock bottom and realize that there is no where left to go but up.

When you reach that point of desperation, something amazing happens. You start to really hear the voice of G-d. I can say with assurance that I have never heard G-d so loudly as I did in my moments of desperation. Perhaps it’s because you have nothing left to hold onto except him or it could be that when you hit the bottom you have few distractions. I wish it could be that it didn’t take such a hard fall for me to gain such intimacy with my G-d, but I am happy of what came of it. I find that when you ask G-d to chastise you, he will do it. It’s like he knows exactly what will get us back to Him. Maybe, pain and suffering aren’t as bad as some would say they are.

I end with a question:

How do you talk to G-d?

How do you hear his Voice?

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