Fuck you Pitchfork

I preface this with an apology for my absence. I have been lazy and I am sorry. If I still have any readers let it be known I am going to try my hardest to post more often again.

A long while ago, a young boy, sick of his collection of Slipknot and Steve Vai, set out on an adventure to find new music. He started by going to his friends and asking them about this new style, known to him as indie rock. As time progressed he realized the true potential to independents music and started to deeply broaden his musical repertoire to music that even those who began him on this journey had never heard of. He made it his goal to find as much music as possible. He now owns over 320 gigs worth of music and has friends frequently competing to find music he has never heard of. This young man, is me. Looking back, I realize how much my musical taste has changed. I find myself wishing I could say I got into Modest Mouse with “The Moon and Antarctica”, but know that it was “Good News for People who love bad news” that made me fall in love with the band. I realize that although I do not have time in some of these scenes that others have, and that I lose “indie cred” for listening to Bleed American before Clarity, but alas I started when I did, and hey, I still really like Clarity…

I give many thanks to those who started me on this journey: Jeff Graff, who introduced me to the alternative rock scene of the 90’s and beyond, including one of my favorite artists, Ben Folds. Kelly Childers, who brought me deep into the world of Subpop and Saddlecreek indie music. Sue Butler, for continuing to culture me in the was of Progressive music. Jeffrey James, and his continuing efforts to find me more and more odd music, and for introducing me to the world of post-rock. All the people on my network at NCU who lent their itunes libraries to me. To the countless nameless heroes who load bit-torrents and music blogs. To Paste magazine and the itunes store, for opening my eyes to endless possibilities.

Then comes one I would think to thank, Pitchfork Media. Described to me as the indie kids bible, I remember the days that I would look to Pitchfork for all the bands that would make me hip if I could just bite my tongue and stand to like them. I remember perusing their site for the highest reviewed albums and buying them, regardless of what I thought. I remember listening to them once and going, “what…the…hell.” but then talking highly of them to my friends. Yes, I know, I was quite pathetic, but I also was truly trying to be open.

But those days are long gone. I no longer hold the pompous garbage known as pitchfork in such high regard. Why, you might ask. Well, I will tell you why. I started to get suspicious when I started to come into my own and actually form my own opinions about music. I would find an album to be, “one of the best” only to find a harsh review filled with meaningless jargon and flowery rhetoric. I found time and time again, the albums I loved to be bashed by pretentious reviewers. Then, came the breaking point. The straw that broke the camels back. The thing that sent me over the edge into absolute hatred. I was searching for reviews of Ben Folds albums. Let me preface this by saying I liked both Songs for Silverman and Way to Normal and Songs for Silverman is my favorite of his solo albums. I knew that many fans, unlike me, were not fond of Songs for Silverman, and found Way to Normal to be a return to his old quirkiness. So, I decided to see what Pitchfork had to say about it. It was no surprise that they found Way to Normal to be sub-par, for it is just to juvenile for their posh musical pallets, but I was slightly shocked to see that Songs for Silverman did poorly as well. I thought that they would love a more mature sound from Ben, as I did. Then I decided, just for laughs, to see what kind of review they gave “The Unauthorized Biography of Reinhold Messner”, one of my favorite BFF albums. I was shocked to see that they gave it a 3.3 out of 10. Now, I know they can be harsh, but come on! That album was brilliant. Sadly, there is more. Not only did they rank that and many other amazing albums (the new Decemberists album and Anathallo) low but they had the audacity to give Kanye West’s new atrocity a 7.6! In the review they even dare to defend his absolute lack of talent and utter dependance on auto-tune. What’s worse is that every Kanye album got high marks topping with a shuddering 9.5 for Late Registration. I don’t know what Kanye is putting in the water to make people believe that there is substance in his music, but to even get Pitchfork Media, the snobbiest, most elite indie music website to give an artist that writes lines like “like cathy lee needs regis, thats how i need Jesus” a fucking 9.5???? How dare they give a masterpeice like Reinhold Messner a 3.3 and absolute trash like Kanye a 9.5… The last thing Kanye needs is a bigger ego, but somehow he wows people into praise. Oh dear god….he is the antichrist!!!!! No, he is not nearly smart enough. This is why I have lost hope in Pitchfork and do not thank them for a part in my musical enlightenment. I am definately no longer held by their chains and feel no desire to care what they thought about music, because obviously someone has torn their ear drums right out of their skulls.

“George Bush doesn’t care about black people.” -Kanye West (the voice of my generation????)


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