4-22-09 Ramblings.


I am working on a hefty post. It covers a lot of my thoughts over the past few months. Sorry it is taking so much time, there is just a lot behind it. It will be up soon, but give me time to finish it right and not rush it. As for me, I don’t really know how to answer that question with any sort of confidence. I am happy to be listening to the new Jars of Clay cd. I am excited about having an idea about what I want to talk about on sunday before saturday. My heart melted as I tucked my wife into bed and kissed her. I laugh as I watch my friend and roomate fight the same battle on the wii (SNES) again and again and again. I desire for a real conversation. I disapprove of some of my friends choices. I worry about others and their ability to self justify everything. I miss the people who I used to be close to but now barely talk to.  I fear next year, yet I am excited for taking  a real full time schedule on in school. I really like the new Jars of Clay CD. I don’t know what to think about the new As Cities Burn. I don’t know what to think about myself. I hate my apathy and my lack of ambition. I try to grow up and fail. I despise my failure. I can’t stand that I accept where I am. I am numb, yet I am hopeful. I can’t explain it. I can’t define it, but somehow I know the clouds will pass. I realize that it’s partially cloudy, not storming, yet I tend to focus on the clouds. Their diminishing presence still casts a depressing tone to all that I see. I have no reason to, the sun is practically shining again. Yet, I focus on the clouds. I start with reality, and turn to metaphor. I overdo it. I overdo everything. Or underdo it. Can never just do it. Why can’t I just do it?

I love that after a really serious and quiet end to the Jars CD, I told you i was freekie comes on.

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