Reality:Ramblings 6/3/09

It swirls and sways. Past the point of visualization, undulating so close you can taste it. It’s an ever changing, solely static truth I will only be fortunate enough to have a glimpse of. Reality is nothing short of mind boggling. It is my deepest desire to understand that which cannot be understood. Some would say this is horribly fallacious, or perhaps at best just a pointless endeavor, but I find it to be so freeing. Learning that I can not learn, or so it seems…It’s 3am, and I am lonely. Not just to paraphrase the song it seems, I sit alone wondering if things will change. Wondering if I will change. Wondering if I will actually accomplish anything. I feel so tired, yet still can’t sleep. No clowns around here cap-i-tan…just me and my broken self image. Its never what you think it will be. I am never what you think I am. We live in a culture that teaches us bullshit, or rather how to do so well. We never actually feel anything, we just wear the face that tells the story we ought. Where am I, what am I? neither questions nor statements. What am I actually feeling? Or is this all a big charade to gain some sort of fucking sympathy. All of these bastards have taken his place. He’s forgotten but not yet gone. It feels good to be the scapegoat. Let the blame fall, let it fall down. It will always be my fault. It will always be my decision. I chose to leave, forget the will of my G-d……let it go. Let it go. let it go…yet I can’t shake this. I need resolution. I thought I had resolution….We have found the next enemy for us to take up arms against. Bring down those who support the enemy. yes indeed you do sound a lot like westboro baptist. At the core you are one in the same. How does it feel? And when did our fellow man become the enemy? They know we are Christians by are hate and prejudice….dammit all. I can’t get behind this. Let this be a lesson, not a code…let this be confusion, like all that surrounds us. If I wanted you to figure me out you would…….

There is no congruency, except chaos.

There is no truth but You.

There is no god but G-d.


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