The light at the end of the tunnel


We made it. Through the struggle and the storm. Our darkest hour, turned to light in the blink of an eye.

Oh to hear your cries. The moment we knew, that first sound. Nothing will ever come close to that – except for you of course – It cut through the noise, the worry, the frustration, the anger, the pain. Nothing else mattered, nothing at all. Welcome to the world, little man. Your day has come, and not a moment to soon. There is work to be done, things to be seen. The sky got a little bigger today. It knows your potential. It worries that it could limit you. So it grew, bigger and bigger, as you stretch your little arms.

Every thing you do, opening your eyes to see the world, a view as untainted, yet so limited. It’s almost sad to think that there is nothing i can do to keep you so innocent, so pure. Holding you makes it hard to believe in original sin, you know. To hold innocence, and to think this innocence is destined for hell, fuck that. Fuck that right in the face.  He is my angel.

All those songs, all those illustrations. All those times told, you will understand once you have kids….they were under-exaggerating at best. Everything is has changed. Color is brighter, once i saw your eyes. Music, sweeter. Gless still sucks, but its okay, because you dont – save for when you eat, you Caterpillar – you don’t at all. Wiggle your way into my brain, keeps me smiling when the hard rain fills my pockets.

I have been transformed. Everything is different now, yet everything is the same. I have transcended, I am still me, but a different me, a lighter me. I float a little every step it take. You make me float, my boy. You make me float.

Being a dad, there are no words to adequately describe it, so I think its time i stop trying and just go back…….to you.

My little Caterpillar.

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2 thoughts on “The light at the end of the tunnel

  1. Your words are uplifting, those spoken of a father so brimming over with love that the words just can’t say it… but I can feel them trying to. I can’t wait to see what things are like when I return home, to see you and Allison not only as my friends, but as parents and nurturers for your son. It’s strange to think, old friend… strange and beautiful, thinking back to the days when you and Allison were only dating, how much things would change and morph into what is now before you today.

    I am overjoyed for you, Ace. I am only sad that I will probably not be able to be much of a part of your life, or your son’s for that matter, due to where life is taking me. Even so, the future looks bright and bold… and though it will undoubtedly be wrought with hardships and challenges, it will be a masterpiece to behold when all is said and done. Be the best father and husband you can be, as I know you already are–you will always have as much support as I can give. 2010 has offered much in the way of change… I only hope that things won’t be so different when I return that I no longer belong. Even if that ends up being the case, I love you my brother, and will always consider you as such. Congratulations on becoming a father. May this time serve as a milestone to you for the great things to come.

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